Everything I write is Garbage: A Tale of Fear and Self-Doubt

So I really wanted to post more than once a week, but my weekend was crazy busy and by the time I found a chance to write I couldn’t think of anything to write. Well that’s not entirely true, once I got past the initial writers-block I had tons of ideas. And I wrote a 2 of them several different times, but turns out everything I write is garbage.

I know that in actuality not everything I write is garbage, it is just me doubting myself. It happens to me from time to time where I just hate everything I write, even things that I have thought in the past were the greatest thing to ever come out of my head. I tend to get inside my own head too much and over analyze every little thing. I use to think that it was just me being myself, but actually if you talk to a lot of creative types I think we all have these moments. I have a friend currently in art school who every few months questions her decision to pursue art. Which I find CRAZY because to me she is a wonderful artist (hear that Nicole? You’re a precious flower and the world needs your art!). I think we all feel like this at some time. I certainly feel like I could write a better blog post slamming my head into the keyboard.

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I was going to just write a letter of apology explaining that I am actually a hack and I was just joking about the whole blog thing. Then it hit me, this a blog about writing, I should just write about that.

If I am being honest and self-aware it is easy to see that these thoughts and feelings stem from fear and self-doubt. Do I actually think I am a bad writer? No, but I am afraid of failure, I doubt my abilities as a writer, I fear rejection. If I tell myself everything is awful then I don’t have to risk rejection. I let fear and doubt stop me from doing a lot of things, hell it is was made me give up writing for nearly a decade. I recently went to a conference where they told us about a quote that really hit home for me. They said, “Doubt kills more dreams then failure ever has.” I love that. It is so true, and a simpler less cliched version of that missing 100% of the shots you don’t take quote you see in every motivational book or seminar.

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What’s the secret to getting over intense hatred over your work? I haven’t the slightest idea. Hey, at least I’m being honest with you and not giving you filler by telling you to get more confidence in yourself.  I don’t think that you ever can stop, but I don’t think we would be artists with out that voice of doubt. It’s what keeps us honest, it helps us turn out the best work we can rather than just putting out anything we do. I think that a little doubt is good for the creative process.

Make that feeling work for you, but still recognize your limits when you feel that. I know that when I am feeling this way I probably shouldn’t edit my book. I nearly deleted the entire thing in a fit of hatred one time.

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Talk to your biggest cheerleader. You know when your significant other tells you how great you look but you don’t believe it till your friend tells you how pretty you look? Talk to that person. Hey and for all I know, maybe you’re in one of those “healthy relationships” I keep hearing about and your partner is your biggest cheerleader. Doesn’t matter, talk to the person that reminds you how kick ass you are. I only got through this post today by talking to my 2 biggest cheerleaders, wave hello Danielle and Heather!

The best thing you can do is just write through it. Write anyway, no matter how crappy it is. Just keep writing, but edit it when you’re in a better mind set. These are the times that I like to just sit and free-write. Just put down what ever comes to mind with out thinking too much about it. I promise, it is not as bad as you think it is. Nothing is ever as bad as it is in your mind.

I’m not entirely sure how to end this post, because honestly if I come with an ending then I am out of excuses for not posting! Oh well. Hopefully I helped you to see we are all in this together. I’m proud I followed through and got something done and published. Go me!

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What do you do when you’re in a creative slump?

 

One thought on “Everything I write is Garbage: A Tale of Fear and Self-Doubt

  1. Love the “I was going to just write a letter of apology explaining that I am actually a hack and I was just joking about the whole blog thing.” 😂 Also love the raw, open honesty. We have all been there. I spent 5 hours on a review yesterday… le sigh. Normally though, I find walking away until it comes back to me works. But everyone is different and sometimes we feel pressured to me our own deadlines. Great post and love the gifs! You got this 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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